


Name Dropping

by Icarus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Action/Adventure, Friendship, Post-Hogwarts, Romance, The Quidditch Pitch: Leaving Feast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-11
Updated: 2006-01-11
Packaged: 2018-10-25 18:00:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10769496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icarus/pseuds/Icarus
Summary: Ten years after their steamy romance, two men find themselves at loose ends and together again.I wondered why so many have teenage love affairs end in marriage. So I wrote this story of two who went their separate ways, then met up again, ten years later. What would it be like?





	Name Dropping

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

  
Author's notes: Note: There are thirty-seven fanfic authors mentioned in this story. See if you recognize them. The complete list (in order!) and links to their websites are at the end of the story. Have fun!  
Thank you to Millefiori and Carmudgeon for the thorough Beta review.  
Not everyone I read and enjoy is mentioned here, just those I happened to be thinking about at the time. The item I picked for the author's name is strictly onomatopoeia, (i.e., Kissaki sounds like an item on a Japanese menu). If a certain author ends up being called 'odorless and tasteless' that has nothing to do with the author. It's simply the natural result of being in a story with Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy, those scions of sarcasm. The point is to recommend their work.  


* * *

Two men dressed in black met outside de Sauveterre's with a handshake; a slim white hand clasped the long-fingered sallow one in a firm grip. 

To the casual eye, they had the easy manner of old friends, an impression confirmed as the shorter of the two, a pale blond, clapped the darker man on the back. At first glance, their black robes appeared identical. But on closer inspection, the blond man's were of a finely tailored cut and cloth, in the latest fashion; while the other man's robes were simple, serviceable, and certainly not new. One might even suspect that this dark man had six identical robes at home, one for each day of the week. Which was, in fact, true. 

Severus Snape nodded to his host with a dour smile. Age had deepened the lines of his face, but otherwise he seemed unchanged. "Draco. It has been a while… staying out of trouble?" 

Draco merely smirked. _No, not really_. But Severus certainly knew that already. 

Half the wizarding world kept up with the doings of the infamous Draco Malfoy in the gossip columns. No doubt there would be an article about this meeting in tomorrow's post, with predictable salacious overtones that for once, wouldn't be true. A Malfoy learned to live with fame. Draco, for his part, chose to ignore it, unless it was useful.

He held the restaurant door for his former professor, and old family friend.

Inside, the hostess recognised Draco on sight. "Good evening, Mr Malfoy. We have your private room ready. Japanese décor tonight?"

Draco raised an eyebrow to Severus, who nodded noncommittally. He knew that Severus rarely went first class, but also refused to be dazzled by it. Draco's father had made a sport of testing that determination, one tradition Draco didn’t mind continuing now that Lucius was in an early grave, unexpectedly leaving Draco head of the family. 

"Come here often do you?" Severus asked with wry curiosity as they followed the witch down the long, softly lit corridor.

"No. Just the once," Draco said smoothly. 

That impressed him, Draco noted slyly; though Severus hid it well, as always. A sign of his pureblood breeding, although the Snapes hadn't been wealthy for generations. One careless ancestor was all it needed to ruin a good family. 

Draco had taken the lesson to heart and left all financial matters to his people, his accountant Maya in particular, with the warning: "If I can touch it, I _will_ spend it" — and that was that. The Malfoy fortune expanded accordingly, listed highly on Mad Martha’s stock picks. 

The hostess led them into a small, cosy anteroom, and the walls melted and reformed about them. These 'international' restaurants were all the rage now, with their multi-faceted menus and exotic rooms — if one could afford them. They reflected the culture of whatever meal one ordered. Draco thought the simplicity of Japanese might be to Severus' taste. 

Draco needed a favour; one that required considerable, ah, buttering up. 

The paper screen slid shut with a whisper behind them, and two Japanese imps took their cloaks, bowing as they vanished. A small gong rang, and the two men were led to a low table surrounded by gentle koi ponds and tinkling fountains, as serenely calm as the dungeons of Hogwarts. Draco could tell Severus approved.

"You look well," Severus noted, scanning Draco from head to foot as he folded bonelessly to the low cushions. Even in his fifties, Severus was effortlessly graceful. It was one of his best traits. 

Draco was more direct, and teased him, "Your hair's still black, Severus. Are you using Millefiori's Hair Solution? 'Wash the years away?'" 

"Allow me my one vanity," Severus said remorselessly, "and no. I make my own potions. Who knows what garbage they put in those commercial formulas…" Then he looked about. "So, where is your new 'friend'?" A slight smile pulled at one corner of his mouth. He meant 'boyfriend' of course, but Severus had the class to understand Malfoys didn’t mention such things directly. The imps reappeared with a fat teapot and two tiny cups. One poured the tea from an impressive height while another lit the rushlights on the table. 

"He had to cancel," Draco said, with an unconcerned shrug. In truth, Ron had been hacked off that Draco didn't want him here. But he was as subtle as a bludger, and convincing Severus to help was _delicate._ So when Ron insisted, Draco simply gave him the wrong date and time. Draco called this 'conflict resolution.' He knew exactly what Ron would call it.

Severus' clearly didn't think much of this 'last minute cancellation', though he said nothing. There wasn't a chance Severus would approve of Draco's latest in any case. They sipped tea in leisurely silence. 

"So." Severus smiled delicately. "How is your wife?" Yes. He’d read the papers all right. Trust Severus to get right to the stickiest question.

"I've no idea really," Draco said. He blew on his tea. "I left, and I haven't seen Anna in, oh, several weeks. She's still at the Malfoy estate, so no doubt she's peachy."

"Where have you been sleeping then?" Severus asked evilly.

Draco gave him a rakish grin. Severus snorted.

"Indeed. Well, nothing's changed there. If the Daily Prophet can be believed, that is."

"Oh, I assure you it can. On this matter at least. I've made sure the rumors are reasonably accurate. Nothing like a false rumor to really bite you in the arse later." Draco stretched, casually shrugging off a scandal that had topped the news for weeks. Fortunately, they hadn’t got wind of where Draco was really staying (he had called in a few favours).

"Yes. Tell me about it," Snape said darkly.

 _Whoops._ Last thing he needed was Severus in a bad mood. Draco steered the conversation away from that dangerous 'old Death Eater' ground. 

"How's teaching?" Severus liked nothing better than to complain about his students, their parents and the Hogwarts staff. As Draco well knew. 

"Worse than ever. Picture this: Fred and George Weasley. At parent-teacher conferences," Severus said dryly. "Their brood, otherwise known as 'the cousins,' have flooded Hogwarts. There must be about fifteen of that barbarian horde, and I do not believe that even the children know which one belongs to which brother. I suspect they just throw them all together like puppies in a box." 

Draco snickered. He'd heard this firsthand from Ron of course, about the twins' current wives, multiple ex-girlfriends, and children scattered about, in all the rich, gossipy detail Severus would love. But he wasn't telling Severus this just yet. He didn’t want to explain about Ron; he needed Severus to agree to that favour first, before he knew a Weasley was so intimately involved.

"Oh, yes. And we have a new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor. Yet again," Severus added with relish, setting down his teacup with a satisfied click.

"Any good?" Draco braced himself for the acid sarcasm. Severus loved to tear apart the Defence instructors, delighting in their inevitable inferiority to himself. 

"Quite. To my utter amazement, he’s actually Dumbledore’s first competent hire in years. We’re beyond Grindylowes now: he brought a Keelywolfe to class last term."

"What? Is he _mad_?"

"Well. Let’s just say if anyone can handle such a creature, he can." Severus’ eyes glinted while Draco put this one together. It didn’t take long. 

"The werewolf. Lupin’s back."

"He is indeed." 

"My father got rid of him for good reason!" 

"Your father?" Severus snorted. "Draco, Lucius couldn't even manage to get Hagrid fired, arguably the worst 'professor' we've ever had." He paused as if to reconsider that. "Hmm. One of the worst." Then he shrugged. "But so long as our dear werewolf only eats one or two Weasleys… we have plenty of those to spare." 

Severus poured himself another cup of tea, his tongue in cheek. "Could be useful to have a werewolf around… I have another ‘secret admirer’ with a crush. He can have that one, too." 

"A crush? On you, at your age?" _Dammit._ Draco mentally kicked himself. It had just slipped out.

That affected calm was never a good sign. Yet Severus seemed more smug than angry for a change. "Yes, well, the Death Eater mystique apparently still has its cachet. So clever, too. Love notes signed with the initials ‘CLS.’"

"Let me guess: her actual initials."

"I shall never solve the great mystery. The Order of the Phoenix should recruit Connie for their next spying campaign," said Severus. "Or perhaps not, as her eyesight clearly has failed if she happens to have a crush on her decrepit, old Potions master." He gave Draco a pointed glare.

 _Oh hell. Damn the man’s vanity._ "Well, ah, I think your hair looks quite nice. It has always been your best feature," Draco said, a trifle desperately. 

"I don't expect I'm fooling anybody about my age. But perhaps I can fool myself a little longer. Intelligence is more of a factor at any rate; at least it is for those of us who don't have a different partner for each day of the week." 

Draco said nothing in his own defence. It wouldn't help his case. Especially since his actions were, as a matter of fact, indefensible.

Severus folded his arms. The rushlights flickered. "Speaking of which… who is this 'new man' in your life? Is he why you finally left your wife?" Severus was now clearly in no mood to give any quarter. Not that he would have in any case.

"You'll read about it in the papers soon enough." Draco dodged the question.

"Minx. I don't doubt it. Cassandra Claire's gossip column seems to be my only source of news about you these days." Severus said. "Though I'm starting to enjoy it. Quite torrid, actually. I am appalled," he said dryly. "But is any of it true? About that Quidditch Seeker, whatshisname — John — and all the rest?" 

Draco grinned shamelessly. "Yes. All of it. Cassie and I have a little agreement. I don't sue her for libel, keep her in the loop, and she gives me privacy where it matters to me." Such as where he’d spent the last several weeks. Draco plucked the menu out of the air as it materialised over his tea. "Wonderful way to get rid of 'clingy' boyfriends, given how many of them were conveniently married. A little taste of Malfoy publicity and it’s, 'good-bye. So sad to see you go.' Saves the messy break-up."

Severus scanned his own menu and shook his head. "You are truly your father's son."

Draco glanced up. "No need to be insulting." 

"On the contrary, I rather admired Lucius' deviousness." Severus ran his thumbnail over his lower lip. "Many of them were married… an interesting turn of phrase. I take it the current one is not." He gave Draco a sharp glance over the menu. 

The man never gave up. "A change of pace." 

Severus rolled his eyes. "You've no respect for the fine institution of marriage." It was hard to tell if this was meant to be irony or not. Severus could be surprisingly staid.

"It's had no respect for me. Not as though I could marry who I liked."

"No Malfoy could ever marry whom they liked." Severus sighed, and returned to his perusal of the menu. There were no prices listed. Draco considered any restaurant that labeled its food with price tags gauche. But he was having a difficult time breaking Ron of that 'cheeseburger' habit. 

Draco leaned over the narrow table to Severus. "I’d recommend the kissaki, it’s quite good. Although if you prefer something a little spicier, you might like the koanju. And they do have sushi, naturally..."

Severus set the menu aside with studied carelessness. There was a tiny triumphant gleam in those black eyes. "Shall we have their little sampling of everything, to share? Served traditional Asian style?" 

_Familiar with the menu?_ "I thought you didn't get out much." 

"You don't owl, or firecall, for months. I am forced to learn of your leaving your wife in a gossip column. Yet, somehow, you are an expert on my personal life," Severus said, in a dangerously reasonable tone. "I shall have you know I have been here before."

And this was not a business restaurant. "Oh my, Severus has a beau?" Draco teased. "Or who's the lucky lady? That new Divination instructor?"

"Man. As you well know." Severus had a subtle smile as he picked up his tiny teacup with practiced ease, his mood greatly improved. "And no, I wouldn't date Lady Dien Alcyone if she were the last available option at Hogwarts." 

Draco hid his smirk at that _particular_ phrasing. Severus was notorious for dating his fellow teachers, with consistently disastrous consequences. But Severus had never learned not to 'shit where you eat', as Ron so crudely put it. 

"Dien? Not another Sybill is she?" Draco asked. Severus had been so pleased when Trelawney finally kicked the bucket. 

"Thank Merlin, no. Dien's surprisingly accurate. But if she ever taught her real methods of divination, well… I wouldn't want the class after hers." Draco raised a curious eyebrow. "Drinks her inspiration. It doesn't matter though — divination cannot be taught. Dumbledore is simply trawling for gifts. And she's a far sight better than that new age guru we had last, whatshisname… Jameswalkswithwind."

"You're joking! Him? The one from the "Zortified" advertisements? I can see the future — mail me all your money?" Draco was both amused and appalled.

"More subtle than that, but yes, the one and the same. Naturally we had to find someone to fill the position after his arrest." 

"Good lord. I would have thought those ‘donors’ complete idiots if I hadn't caught the subliminals in one of those ads. Almost sent him my father’s pocket-watch before I stopped myself." Draco poured a little more tea. "I wonder sometimes if Dumbledore isn't a tad senile. One hundred and fifty years old is no spring chicken."

"I would think so, if I didn't know for a fact he has always been like that." 

A woman entered, Summoned by Draco setting down his menu. She moved with the flawless, fluid grace one had to have when wearing a silk kimono… de Sauveterre’s had _real_ waitresses, not just spells (which gave you no one to complain to if they messed up your order). 

"Good eve-ning," she said in that curious clipped Asian speech. Native Japanese, Draco thought. They did everything right here. "My name is Cybele. I am your waitress to-night…" and she ran through the specials as they listened politely. 

Draco ordered several appetizers, in addition to Severus' choices. If he was going to bribe Severus, he'd best make it good. 

"…and to drink, you will have?" 

Severus set down his menu. "I'll have a Morrighan — no, make that a TBoy." 

"Severus, your liver —!" 

"Can fend for itself. I should be dead a dozen times over. My liver should simply be grateful it still has a job."

"I'll have an Isis cola," Draco said curtly, with a dark glance at Severus. If he didn't need that favour he'd order the soft drink for Severus as well, and damn the man's irresponsibility for his health. He planned to turn Severus in to Pomfrey — after everything was settled, of course. Draco did have that heir to consider, after all. One that he had no hope of producing without Severus’ help. Not the way he wanted to, at any rate.

"Still a teetotaler, I see, even with your 'wild crowd'?" Severus sneered, irritable again. He hated when people played nursemaid; though he certainly needed it.

"Call it a rebellion against the rebellion," said Draco, and shrugged. "Frankly, I think my father would have preferred that I drank." Anything but sleeping with Weasleys; Ron Weasley in particular. He was probably spinning in the Mausoleum now the two of them were back together. _Too bad, Daddy._

A switchknife appeared at each of their plates. Severus gave him a questioning look. 

"For the koanju," Draco explained. But the question in Severus’ eyes remained.

The koanju appeared next, along with a number of other delicacies. 

"About your father…" Severus said slowly, picking up his chopsticks expertly. He certainly had been here before, and more than once, Draco realised. Who _was_ old Severus seeing? "…I was curious just how you became _the_ Malfoy at such a tender age..." Severus speared a koanju. It wriggled madly on the platter, while Draco calmly nibbled some kissaki. "In the strictest of confidence, of course. _Obscurus._ " Severus put up the Silencing charm with an easy practiced flick. "Not to worry. For all that I admired the man from time to time, I do feel that getting rid of him was a public service."

This again. "Damn it. _Vocare!_ " Draco took down the Silencing charm. He had nothing to hide. "I am so sick of people either congratulating or condemning me for killing my father —" 

"Oh, I didn't say you _pushed_ him, per se," Severus said. His smile was sly. " _Obscurus._ But there are certainly many means to make the foot unsteady, yes? You were a fine student in Potions… a little plumeria essence with aspen root, a touch of vulgarweed… odorless, tasteless… your servant Brodie no doubt could procure the ingredients for you, perhaps even administer them…" Severus suggested.

"There was a full investigation!" Draco was exasperated. Even his friends suspected him, after all these years. "If you know so much, maybe they should investigate _you_. _Vocare!_ "

"They did. I assure you." 

Figures. As if turning every stone could bring everyone's favourite donor back. Nothing like a little dirty money to make the Ministry happy. Unfortunately for them, Draco didn't have any 'worthy causes' to cover up.

"Look, Severus," Draco continued with a sigh, "as difficult as this may be to grasp, even a great wizard can die ignominiously. He _slipped_ and _fell_. Yes, yes, I was home that night, but I was in a completely different wing of the Manor. As per usual. I avoided him, he avoided me; we could go weeks without seeing each other — even with both of us at home. You know how big the place is. I was half the length of Hogwarts away, and several floors besides! It's like suspecting someone up the street. But the wizarding world has never seen the Manor, and they just think: 'Draco Malfoy was home, and he did nothing.' But I didn't even find him until the next day." Draco speared some more of his dinner. "In fact, if anyone killed Lucius, it was the house-elves."

"House-elves? What?" Severus clearly found the idea laughable. "How?"

"Oh, I don't think it was deliberate. They just kept cleaning around him; thought he was taking a nap." 

Severus paused in his dinner. Then he continued eating, though his face was thoughtful as he chewed.

"Hmm. I wonder… he was not popular with his staff…" Dark eyes caught Draco's meaningfully.

"Sweet Merlin, Severus. You have reached the ultimate in paranoia if you think house-elves are capable of pre-meditated murder."

Severus said nothing.

"Read any good books lately?" Draco said, consciously, obviously and very deliberately changing the subject. 

Severus ignored the new topic, and moved on to his next difficult question. 

"Who are you seeing, Draco?" 

The man was impossible.

"Who are _you_ seeing, Severus?" Draco countered. Severus looked down uncomfortably. What teacher — for surely Severus was seeing a teacher — could afford de Sauveterre’s? 

" _MartianHouseCat_ ," Severus answered, "by Minerva McTabby. Her latest." It took Draco a moment to realise Severus was answering the question about the books. 

"Death Eater novels?" Draco laughed. Severus was always full of surprises; he’d expect Potions manuals, or something equally dry. The man read Latin as though it were his native tongue for Pete’s sake. "You read Death Eater crime novels? Didn’t you experience the real thing?"

"It’s _historical fiction_."

"My bloody arse it is. Lucius was _furious_ when they published that first book; wanted to know who’d sold them out."

Severus gave in with a chuckle. "All right. For my part, I am rather impressed. I wish I had thought of it. Though I am more a technical writer. I have read them all, have pages of notes cross-referencing times and events, and I still can’t figure out who it is. I thought Josan at first, she certainly has the nerve, but no. No one can write from Azkeban."

Draco was curious. "Is any of it true? You know, it is damned easy to tell which character is you."

"You’ve read them?"

"Who hasn’t? I just read the first one though, _Darkly Resonant_." 

"That's her best. It is all exaggerations for the most part. I was planning to sue for libel, but after I read it…" Severus smiled. "It was quite amusing. Apparently I had more sex in my late teens than I ever knew. And my, my, I was so intelligent and witty at that age, too…."

"You were always smart, Severus."

"There is no such thing as an intelligent teenager. I teach them. Trust that I know," Severus said. "They are bags of raging hormones, wrapped in a lethal combination of arrogance and naïveté."

"And the drug use?"

Severus licked his teeth, and chuckled remorselessly. "That much is true, and well established through a few brushes with Ministry law. I would like to think it was the whole reason I followed Voldemort in the first place. If it were true, it would provide a wonderful excuse."

"What? That he drugged you?"

"No. His fabulous connections." Severus toasted Draco silently. "Unfortunately, there were other less defensible reasons." 

Ones that Severus would never explain, along with his reasons for leaving the Death Eaters. Only Dumbledore knew the latter. McTabby’s bestselling novels, of course, ascribed it to an uncharacteristic attack of nobility. 

Looking at Severus’ sneer at their ‘historical fiction,’ Draco rather doubted it.

~*~*~

The rushlights had burned low, their cool reflection flickering on the surface of the koi ponds. The subtle music of tinkling water, combined with a wonderful dinner and interesting conversation lulled Draco into a semi-somnambulant state. The angles of Severus’ face melted into the darkness like a Renaissance painting, his high cheekbones and arched nose picked out in light. His dark voice was rich and liquid, and it was so good to hear his sarcastic bark of laughter again, to see the spark of mirth in his eyes as they traded gossip. 

Draco silently promised himself he wouldn't fall out of touch with his old friend again, no matter how bad a correspondent he was. 

Severus inhaled the last of his TBoy. True to Draco's memories of so many late nights with Severus and his father, Severus downed that battery acid as if were water. It was impossible to tell when he was drunk though, unless you knew him well, and knew how his R’s would roll, the cadence of his voice slow to a purr, and his sentences stretch by alcohol to their maximum length. And the way he would lean, languidly on the table. As he did now.

Their conversation had slowed to a comfortable pause. Severus set his down his glass and leaned forward on both elbows, steepling his long fingers. 

"All right. I give up. What is it then, Mr Draco Malfoy?"

"What is what?" 

"I have been guessing all evening. But I am through with games. Just what it is that you want from me? 

"Wha —? Me? We're just having dinner, it's been ages and —" 

Severus interrupted the excuses with a growl. "Oh, come now. You never write or contact me in any way unless you need something." 

Draco bristled. "What a terrible thing to say. You imply that I use you, Severus?"

"No. I am not implying that you use me. I am saying it outright. Now don't try my patience. Out with it."

"Damn it, Severus, that's not fair! We've had a wonderful evening, and think of all the good times we've had together." Draco was just deciding not to ask his favour now, to make the point that he was nothing like his father. Asking someone to dinner just because he wanted something…. 

"I shall have you know that I am leaning towards a 'yes,' Draco. If it is not illegal, dangerous, or embarrassing, that is; I have had enough of all three to last a lifetime. The offer stands for this brief instant in time only, however, and it is slipping away as we speak…" Severus rolled the stem of the glass artfully between his fingers.

"Oh —" Draco moaned, exasperated. _Dammit._

Severus laughed darkly. 

"You have me. I just… need a little advice. _Obscurus._ " This time Draco threw the silencing spell about them. This was private. 

"Hmm. You have already taken the only advice I would give you," Severus mused. "And, if I recall, I have been giving you the same advice for many years: leave your wife. Sleep with men. And tell your family to fuck off. I did, and I'm glad of it. Let my sister have the bloody Snape fortune."

"The 'Snape fortune' consists of a mouldy old Manor you all would have torn down years ago if you had anywhere else to store the ghosts," Draco said, irritated. "You can hardly compare the Malfoy estate with _that_ pile of rubbish."

Severus made a wry face. Looking into his dark face, Draco mentally congratulated himself for endearing himself to Severus yet again. He sighed. 

"I apologize, Severus. That was rude of me." 

"There is nothing rude about the truth," Severus said softly.

"Bollocks. Most truths are rude and I should know better. It's just that the family estate is the crux of my problem: I don't have a male heir."

Severus shrugged. "So what? Just have your daughter inherit. She's certainly smarter than you ever were."

"No, I can't. Malfoy Manor…"

"— oh, right. The Manor. I forgot." Severus rolled his eyes in understanding and set down his glass. "Lucius was a wreck until you were born. Why don't you just get that monstrosity fixed? This whole business with the wards and magic being tied to the eldest male heir is medieval. Even if it was done with Dark Magic it can't be impossible to undo."

"It's easier just to crank out the babies until you hit the jackpot: ‘it’s a boy!’" Draco gestured victoriously with his chopsticks. 

"And pass the buck to the next generation… lazy. You Malfoys are all alike. If it were the Snapes we would have taken care of that problem years ago."

"If it were the Snapes it would be Snape Manor and no one would care." Draco cringed. He’d done it again. "Oh. Ah. Let's just pretend I didn't say that." He gave a faltering smile.

"We could. Or I could pay you back some time within the next hour. Which do you think would be more fun, I wonder?" Severus chuckled. "Well, well, well. So you need another baby. Perhaps you should have thought of that before you left your wife. I suppose you could always run back to her and beg for forgiveness… on bended knee."

"Oh, be serious," Draco said. Severus laughed. "Besides, I have someone right now."

"Yes, but you have always had someone. Right now, the day before, and the day after."

"No. I mean someone who wouldn't be interested in a sideline fling."

Severus' eyebrows rose. "Is it serious?"

Draco was evasive. "In a way. I mean, not permanent, but he's willing, to, ah, make a long-term commitment." 

"How long term?"

"About… nine months?" 

It should be simple enough. After all, Ron had agreed the baby would be a Malfoy, and Ron already had four children of his own. 

Severus chuckled and shook his head. "I see where this is headed."

"Well, how does one go about it?"

"Getting a man pregnant?" Severus' gesture was casual. "Simple enough. You get some sample of a female relative of your man, say, a lock of hair. Then you hire someone of McGonagall's caliber to transform him into a woman; get 'him' pregnant. And then, if you can still tolerate your man nine months later, you transform him back. A good six months at St. Mungo's will fix him up in no time, given that men don't do well in women's bodies, particularly not for that long and assaulted with the hormones of pregnancy, no less."

"Then I'm stuck with a woman for nine months! I might as well just go fuck my wife."

"Problematic to be sure." Severus took a sip of his drink. He was obviously enjoying this. 

Draco licked his lips. "I've heard of a potion that, well…"

"A potion. Of course. It is not as though I can do any other form of magic," Severus sneered. "I’ll have you know I’m no Professor Longbottom with one sad, lonely talent — I took N.E.W.T’s in _most_ of my subjects! The potions position just happened to be open at the time. Now I can escape neither teaching, _nor_ Neville Longbottom."

"Oh." Draco hadn’t expected this. "So… get away for a couple of weeks."

"I am. Going to Telanu. And Capitu after that. Possibly Nimori." 

Telanu. Lover’s paradise. With their infamous club, the Midnight Blue _._ It had been just another pretty island until they put that in.

 _Ah. Here it comes,_ Draco thought. He'd wondered when the old crow would 'crow' about his new boyfriend."With…?" he asked lecherously. 

"Well, Remus won his discrimination case. It took years, but if anyone deserves…"

"Remus? Who is… Oh no — Lupin? Not him again! Severus, you should know better," Draco squawked. 

"He’s changed." Severus said. 

"He _changes_ every month." Draco choked. "Lupin is a _werewolf_." 

"I am well aware of that fact. I make the potion every month, should I ever happen to forget." Severus bristled. "I am a former Death Eater. One monster deserves another, don’t you think?"

Draco searched the ceiling for patience. "Talk about returning to the scene of the crime. Severus. It didn’t work out before, and it won’t work out now." 

Severus' temper simmered. "It is ‘working out’ as you say, just fine."

"Let me guess. Everyone at Hogwarts is encouraging this." Draco said sarcastically. "I’ll bet any money Dumbledore is delighted you two have buried the hatchet. Again."

Severus’ stone cold silence on the matter was telling. 

It was past the point a wise man would have shut up, but Draco ignored that silky, annoying, warning voice. It sounded far too much like his father, for one thing. "Why can’t you look outside Hogwarts for a shag? Is this some sort of a teacher fetish? Laziness? Can’t stand to commute as far as Hogsmeade? Lucky for you they have such a high turnover, but still…." 

"I should have known better than to tell you."

"Bother, Severus. You _wanted_ to tell me. You don’t trust a fairy tale and you wanted to talk to somebody who would at least tell you the truth. Well, here it is: you’re mad." 

Severus glared at him steadily. "Perhaps. But I am still going to Telanu."

"I reserve the right to say I told you so." 

"Then you can stand in line behind my sister." Severus eyed him across the table. "You have a strange way of asking for favours, Draco." He smiled grimly.

 _Shit._ Draco had momentarily forgotten the favour. He moaned inwardly. His father had been able to smooth-talk anyone, even Severus on occasion; it was clearly a talent Draco would never share. Draco sighed. At least he hadn't run the Malfoy estate into the ground like his father had predicted. 

On the other hand, Draco excelled at bribery. "A favour for favour?" 

Every man had his price. 

"What can you possibly offer me?" Severus’ jaw was set, but his eyes glittered with amusement. 

"Just this: I won’t give you a bad time about Lupin, even when it inevitably goes up in smoke. Or wolfsbane and silver bullets, as the case may be." Being spared a little humiliation for once in his life was worth Galleons to Severus.

Severus considered that, then nodded. Once. "Fair trade." He leaned on an elbow and observed casually, "You know, Draco. You are nowhere near the manipulative bastard your father was."

Draco glanced up and blinked at him in surprise. But Severus continued. 

"All right. What potion is it that you need? And, by the way, about the 'silver bullets and wolfsbane', silver bullets are just a superstition. Have you forgotten everything from school?"

"It’s been ten years and I haven’t needed it." Draco shrugged. "My sole purpose as a Malfoy is to crank out one male heir: stud service." 

"Just when I thought I was wasting my time teaching, save in a few rare cases of intelligence and talent, one of those cases proves that I am wasting my time entirely." Severus' voice was bitter.

Draco smiled wanly. 

"Let’s have dessert."

And trust to Severus’ sweet tooth to put Draco back in his good graces. Again. 

~*~*~

Draco was not fond of Asian desserts, so they ordered off the menu. The room misted and reformed about them into the warm reds and carefree clutter of an intimate Italian Bistro. Severus absently picked at the dripping candle wax, making a bit of a mess. It was disconcerting. Every now and then Severus did little things like that, which proved he wasn’t quite of Draco’s class. It wouldn’t be so jarring if he were like Ron, who was always blunt and carelessly lower class and didn’t give a damn about Draco’s sensibilities. Ron was refreshing, and made everything ‘Malfoy’ seem absurd. This, on the other hand, was just annoying.

Draco glowered. Back to business. "So. I’ve heard the Amanuensis potion might do the trick…." 

Severus looked up from his project. "Oh. That again."

Draco raised an eyebrow.

"It is amusing really, how these 'urban legends' make the rounds periodically. Draco, you have clearly been spending too much time in those ‘men's clubs.’" He swept the crumbs of wax off the table, and Draco breathed an inward sigh of relief. Time was he didn’t understand his father’s petty irritations.

"It does exist. I know that much. A friend of mine has, um, used it." 

"Of course it exists. I've tried it. And it is a wonderful sex aid to have both parts for a time," Severus said. 

Draco tried very hard not to visualise this, and failed. 

"Don't look so surprised, Draco. I may be fifty, but I lived through the seventies, and there isn’t a potion, drug or position I haven’t tried, _boy_. Do you think that you invented sex?" 

_Thank you for that image, Severus. I may never have sex again_. 

"I hear that if you aren't careful with it, you could… end up pregnant." Draco ran his hand through his hair. "So I thought, maybe, you know, a little deliberate carelessness?" He coughed slightly.

Severus sighed. "All right. Speaking technically. You are taking the reproductive organs and making them two sets, one of each gender. So the efficacy — of _both_ sets, you understand — is reduced by half. There is very little chance that you could actually impregnate someone." Draco opened his mouth, but Severus interrupted. "Yes. I know. They say use the contraceptive charms. That is merely a precaution. It is hardly necessary."

"But it has happened? People have become pregnant when they uh, had both?"

"Everything has happened in the wizarding world. Look at centaurs, hippogriffs, the sphinx. Getting a man pregnant? Of course. That is nothing in the larger scheme of things. But it takes an astonishing, nearly _miraculous_ degree of fertility —"

"Well, Ron's willing to give it a try at least."

"Ron?"

"Ron Weasley."

"You're planning to do this with a Weasley," Severus said in a flat voice. He dropped his napkin to the table with a limp gesture.

"Yes. Well… yes."

"A Weasley," Severus repeated. He was silent a moment. 

Finally he said, "In that case I see no problem." He shrugged. "I can get the potion for you next week." 

Severus' brow furrowed, puzzled. His finger traced a line around the rim of an empty glass. "Tell me. Why is this Weasley willing to do this? To put his body through the horrors of pregnancy for you? Is this one of your myriad sycophants, dropping at your feet, ready to indulge your slightest whim?" 

Draco decided the gossip columns were perhaps a little exaggerated, if that was the impression they gave. He should start reading them again. "No. He’s just curious. Wants to know what it’s like."

"Oh Christ, one of those." Severus shook his head. "He is going to have a lot more than he bargained for, if that's the case. One bout of morning sickness should be enough to cure his ‘curiosity’ for good." 

"But it will be too late then, now won’t it?" Draco grinned, triumphant. Though, truth be told, he and Ron had discussed this at length. Ron was fairly determined.

"Mercenary." But Severus clearly approved. "Which Weasley is this ‘Ron’ anyway?"

Well. It had been ten years, after all. Draco had thought Severus was taking this a little too easily. 

"Potter’s friend…?" Draco winced and braced himself for Severus' inevitable reaction 

" _That_ Weasley? That hot-headed ‘live in’ that nearly got you disinherited?" Severus' shoulders sank and he rolled his eyes in utter disgust. "Of all the hypocritical… you complain about Remus, when you have returned like a lemming to your little revenge scheme-gone-wrong, that ended in you being wrapped around Weasley’s finger for the better part of two years?" 

"Wrapped? I liked him. That’s all. And father can’t disinherit me now." Draco was mildly offended. His scheme hadn't failed, exactly. It just had a few, ah, unforeseen consequences. 

"How many reparo spells did you do on those walls?" Severus asked. Draco didn’t answer. "He has a temperament of a harpy, while you irritate even _me!_ It was a disaster, and will be a disaster. Have you any idea what you are getting yourself into?"

"I lived with him. Of course I do."

"With that potion, you fool. Pregnancy."

"I’ve been through it before with my daughter. I have a fairly good idea what to expect. He has four children, so he knows better than I."

"No. You do not. Neither of you. I suppose there was little chance you were actually listening to me. If it works, which I under no circumstances guarantee even with a Weasley, you will have on your hands a pregnant _man._ " 

Draco gave Severus an expressively blank look.

Severus explained in his most patient, controlled voice. "A pregnant woman hopped up on hormones is exasperating and annoying. But a pregnant _man_ is downright dangerous. Both to himself and others. He is still biologically a man, you see, complete with testosterone and all those unfamiliar hormones going mad. Aggression. Thrill-seeking. Territorialism. Pregnancy brings out the most primitive traits. In addition to the bizarre cravings and mood swings."

"I don’t follow."

"Picture naked broom rides. The Wronski Feint. In the eight month."

"That’s crazy. No one pregnant should be on a broom — you don’t have the balance." 

Severus regarded him steadily.

__

Oh. 

__

"Point taken. I’m willing to take the risk. The Manor is fully equipped with restraining devices if it comes to that." For all his bravado however, Draco suddenly felt he wasn’t up to this. Ron was, after all, a lot stronger than he was.

"On your head be it." 

Unexpectedly, Severus' eyes brightened. A small smile curled his lip. He had that pleased look that always crossed his face when he took house points. "There is one plus. If I recall correctly, both red _and_ blond hair are recessive genetic traits. In all likelihood they would be co-dominant." 

"Beg your pardon? Severus, I don't speak _Muggle_." 

"It means, that the next Malfoy stands a very good chance of having red hair and freckles. Just like any other Weasley. And looking at that family, I'd lay odds at better than fifty-fifty." Severus smiled; slowly. Obviously savouring Draco's dawning horror. "A Malfoy. The spitting image of his old nemesis, Arthur Weasley. Oh, how Lucius would hate that. 

"Helping you is worth it, for that alone."

Draco cringed. Although defying his dead father was a favourite pastime of his, there was Malfoy pride to consider, after all. 

Oh well. It couldn’t be helped.


End file.
